Reflections of Today

Every day these last 6 months has been different. Some days full of joy and thanksgiving. Others full of loathing. Others full of tears.

And, I spent the month of May in Germany. My first time there and my first trip in 12 years outside the country. It was refreshing, eye-opening, and healing in a lot of ways. My self confidence that had been tethered to shreds was restored and I was reminded my life’s ambitions are far too big for me to be stuck in a little town forever. Don’t get me wrong, I like it here and I hope to give back to the community while I’m here, but this is not the end stop.

Germany is so wonderful in so many ways. I loved it so, so much. The urban layout, the trains, the ability to find a gelato stand every hundred feet that sells a scoop for 1 euro. It was beautiful and old. Full of life and history. I could honestly see myself living there.

Germany needs Jesus, too. Not in the old corrupt ways of the past, but real people who care about other people, who intend to be active in the community, who care to take action to help others.

It reminded me of how Memphis needs Jesus. Particularly, all the comfy rich white and interracial churches in the middle and east parts of the city need to get off their lazy butts, stops spending money on building more buildings and use it to create social programs and renovate old buildings in South Memphis where the real tangible needs of people are located. And, as much as I can be, I want to be apart of social justice and social change here in this city.

How will anyone believe our words about Jesus if we who are supposedly his people do nothing to address real needs in the city we live in and stay holed up in fancy buildings? I mean seriously. Ironically, this was a big lesson I learned in Germany, a place where hardly anyone believes in God.

Why should anyone believe in God? Because he is so good and there is no better place to be as a person than to be made whole again through a restored relationship with our creator. Not because of the fire and brimstone hell that crazy people try to scare other people into believing but because True hell is merely being separated from him. Look around you, there is real true evil apart from God. And, There is no comparison to knowing him.

Yes, I unintentionally got a little preachy for a second. Anyway, it’s okay if you don’t agree with me. Moving on.

Being back from Germany has been odd. It’s like I’ve drifted back into another dimension and new trials were awaiting me here. It’s the first time in a long time that I truly feel alone. I miss my cat Niko who is living with my brother in Los Angeles. I miss Niko so much it literally brings pain to the pit of my stomach and I have no way of bringing him here with me because my landlord won’t let me, plus costs of plane tickets, plus I can’t move from this place anytime soon due to being a poor student again finishing my degree. Was that a good decision? Sometimes I feel it was the best decision I could have made. Other times, I feel uncertain. But, what can I do about it now? I’m in a city not friendly to car-less commuters, I can’t exactly buy a car this moment and the car I had was swept out from under me when I got back from Germany by the suspicious and presumptuous seller (long story for another day), and while cycling is cool, it’s hot as balls outside which means mega sweating is inevitable regardless of the time of day. Plus, I have to be extra careful about riding because this city isn’t exactly bike friendly either. Getting hit once by a car three years ago still sends panic in my heart whenever I accidentally hit a bump in the road while cycling, lol.

The upside of things are I’ve been working on my script. It is nearly done. I’m at the climax ending of the tale. I’m getting more involved in the art world through a photography class I’m taking – ironically – as in being ask to paint a large 8’x 10′ panel for some dancers at an art show as well as invited to more art shows from the artists themselves. I’m teaching a friend to play guitar whom also wants me to make a commercial with them. I’ve written the script and started the storyboard on it. I’m going to be writing for the school newspaper in the fall and have two projects over summer that I’m writing for them – both topics of my choosing. I’m working on a few collage pieces of art and been doing a lot of photography for class, but it’s also very enriching. July, I’ll be training to be a mentor to an at-risk high schooler in the fall and hopefully take a tour of the Memphis drain system for a preliminary idea of something I want to work on later. These are all really good things.

Honestly, I did not even know what exactly was bothering me until today. I knew there was something wrong because I’ve been self medicating with binge watching tv shows on netflix and filling every free space of time with “to dos” so as to be so exhausted there wasn’t a free moment to think or feel.

The revelations of tonight: I feel alone because I miss my cat of 5 years, I miss my companion of 2 years that brought me here to Memphis to begin with (the heart loves who it loves, and man, it is difficult to let go and move on permanently, even after everything), and I miss the freedom of getting around easily that comes from living in an urban city. I miss not having to live on a budget either or worry about money so much. I feel like I’m learning to depend on God in a new way with this one and it is stretching the fibers of my need for control and independence. I am happy to not work in an office anymore, I am happy to be working on art – be it writing or music or photography, etc. In a lot of ways I am free and I am pursuing my dreams. It means a lot and it isn’t easy, but it sure does feel good too.

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Filed under Daily Progress, The Rants!, Where the Spirit is...

I’m Back!

The ever so long awaited post is finally here. I can’t believe I’ve neglected this blog a year and some change. Jeez time flies!

Short story, I’ve been up to a bunch of freelance commercial productions, none of which has made me any money yet lol, but the contracts are still being negotiated with the slowest bunch of mofos around. Lord, help me! I will be glad when it finally closes. Oh, and I’ve relocated to Memphis, Tennessee, as of three months ago, where I will now reside indefinitely. At least it’s the birth place of blues / rock & roll! Haha, I’m kidding. There are actually a lot more cool things about Memphis and I’m glad to be here.

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We All Have Shades of Grey

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October 27, 2013 · 11:41 am

Recap 2 – The long neglected blog

Needless to say, I have been so swamped up to my ears until today, that this blog and pretty much everyone and everything in my life has been neglected. How do I feel? A mix of emotions really.

On the one hand, I am so happy to have completed this latest film project, it had so many obstacles and hurdles, it took such sacrifice and pain, but we did it. On the other hand, I feel dejected and alone. I’m reminded what little friends I actually have and how I’m cursed with loving men who don’t have it in them to love me back, at least not in the long run. Meanwhile, another friend has confessed their love for me and I simply don’t have it in me to love him back. It’s depressing and makes me want to go into hiding.

Why is it that when one part of your life is going well, another seems to be falling apart? It’s definitely a funny piece of irony.

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Filed under Oh, Relationships!

Recap 1 – Fitness

A couple weeks ago, I started a diet/training circuit from personal trainer/fitness model Rachel Elizabeth called “Bikini’s and Boardshorts” which is for someone like me whom is disciplined enough to not need a trainer in person with them, but simply needs a good plan to follow to reach certain goals. My goal: to get more lean. AND, I’m seeing results, which is fabulous.

Check out Rachel Elizabeth at

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SLAUGTHERBOX – Official Press Release

10 Gauge Shakespeare AND MOnsterworks66 TEAM UP TO PRODUCE THE PROMO TRAILER FOR SLAUGHTERBOX, a sharp new horror feature by Indie actor/writer/producer Hugh Phoenix Cross.
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Cross’ production company, 10 Gauge Shakespeare, and Maria Olsen’s MOnsterworks66, are currently in pre-production and set to shoot principle photography of the promo trailer in August. Concept art and storyboards are being prepped, casting is underway, and the Box itself is in the final stages of completion.

SlaughterBox is the story of Adam, the first man, and his descendants’ ongoing struggle against the demon Lilith (played by Olsen), best known for her roles in Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Vile, and Paranormal Activity 3. After four-thousand years of his ancestor’s failed attempts to destroy Lilith, the lineage of modern-day Adam (played by Cross) finally catches up to him when his wife and daughter are taken by the ancient demon that is now coming after him.

Adam must choose between fleeing or turning to face his fear, knowing he may not survive the battle. As he implements his monstrous plan to end the millennia of torment that his ancestors endured before him, he finds out there is more to him and his stone faced, ex-military “Subject Six” than he ever have imagined. At the sacrifice of many lives and spilled blood, Adam must transform himself entirely if he is to have any chance of regaining what was taken from him – nothing will stop him from becoming the Creator of the ever-evolving SlaughterBox.

To learn more about this project or to become part of the team, please visit the IGG campaign page. Once there, you must choose between Light or Darkness – it is your fate what you become. Further, this is NOT an ordinary campaign, as 10% of the total contributions made towards the film will be donated to John Walsh’s National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. If 225 people contribute $33, we will meet our goal – help make it happen!

Think Inside The Box: contribute to our campaign and contribute to a cause. Find out how here:
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Slaughterbox Synopsis – Not your typical Horror

What do you think of when you think of horror movies in general? Mostly just scary, bloody, or both. Maybe some sex and boobies too. LOL. BUT, every once in a while there’s a horror that has an interesting and compelling story too. Personally, I’m a fan of the older stuff like Rosemary’s Baby and Deep Red.

This film to be is not a typical run of the mill either.

Here is the synopsis:

It is a horror story about the first man and his descendants’ ongoing struggle against the demon Lilith, the psychological rebirth it entails, the bloody “tests” involved, and the final plan to end it all.

Take a moment to check out this link:

There are cool perks/incentives starting at just $9 and if 225 people joined in for just $33, the goal would be met.

This is a story worth seeing.

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